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Arkady in Rome

by Sophie's Dream

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1.
Fauves 02:43
consider this my grand return fed up, strung out, i got love to burn don't think my old tricks are gonna work anymore everybody, i'm pleased to see ya i'm just so glad to finally be here let's get down to it, let's settle the score eighteen years i lived dirty, one year i been clean it's hard to remember, if you see what i mean i'm like a goldfish, i'll prolly drop dead soon they said i was feral, they said i was sick but you don't choose who you are, it's your friends that you pick i chose some good ones, i chose some bad ones too i burned all my bridges, i wasted my time but i don't owe you a damn thing except a goodbye i close my eyes and lean back in my seat the engines are roaring, there's a buzz in my ears the ground is shrinking and blurring with tears there's something wrong with me, i've gotta get back on my feet ooh, bop!
2.
i dreamt you were disgusted when you found out i still love you disappointment in your eyes, a halo glowed above you as you bit your lower lip, and the picture froze right there and i woke with my throat burning, stomach churning, gasping for air the town is sleepy mostly but it comes to life on the weekends i'd like to come to life too, i miss having friends so i wander through the night, try any place that's open you can try to run away from your life across the atlantic ocean but americans ruin the dance floor every time we don't know how to dance but we keep trying maybe on our best days, we sort of look all right but the people here are beautiful tonight i live in fear of meeting someone who looks a bit like you but with everyone else i meet i know more or less what to do small talk for a while, warm and vacant smile then a slow drift into silence like a guilty man on trial it isn't gonna be easy, but someday i will recover i sit and watch the dancers, watch the strangers become lovers and the lovers become strangers at the changing of the song we were as beautiful as them, i think, but i could be wrong cause americans ruin the dance floor every time we don't know how to dance but we keep trying maybe on our best days, we sort of look all right but the people here are beautiful tonight
3.
sal sleeps by the window, his hand in his mouth never mind that you can't trust a word that comes out he's sweet, but has trouble with faces he's got bruises in covered up places he's trying to sell me a flying machine his english is broken but i know what he means he's expressive, he talks with his hands his machine flies all right, but he isn't quite sure how it lands anais keeps a razor hidden inside her sock she's got plenty of options now, so she's taking stock she set out from lyons last december she had a plan at the time but now she can't remember she pulled her blade on me outside termini she said back the fuck off or else i'll make you see she doesn't need anybody to save her she slashed at my wrists like she was doing a friend a favor and i like to just listen to alison talk she points out all the sights when we go for our walks she took a class on ancient rome but she had to drop out when things went bad at home we're not sleeping together but we're sharing a bed this saves money on board room, twenty euro a head if you insist on sleeping alone and it works out just fine, cause i'm scared to be on my own and the word on the street is that i killed a man served in iraq, or maybe afghanistan some days they think i'm an actor traveling incognito to avoid my detractors other days, i'm a burnout just like all the rest just ephemeral stains on these streets we infest till we give up and move on at last unknown like the city, unknown like the depths of the past
4.
oh i used to be cruel just to make you laugh the bus ride costs a euro and a half and the tourists never know you're making fun of them there are good people in this town, but i'm not one of them i point and i giggle just to myself i drank to good fortune, i drank to your health and i kept drinking i don't like who i am these days and i kept thinking on the late bus home is a long ways away some nights i end up sleeping at the station but i make the best of each such situation i got a pillow i keep in my backpack anyhow if you laughed before, well baby, you should see me now i toss and turn the whole night mumble in my sleep when you burn instead of sowing fields all that you can reap is wild destruction and all the desolation that comes after but i could function if i could conjure up the true shape of your laughter what comes after what comes after?
5.
let me think of nothing but that thy will be done i'm praying at beato angelico's tomb, i bet i'm not the only one your presence feels like absence, i want to feel it again like a silence that steals through your heart and echoes loud within let me think of nothing but that thy will be done angelico painted countless works, and met you in each one but me i just seem to get further off with every step i take each action ending only in itself, pointless, isolate and i should be content with this are you asleep? do you wake up? will the waiting ever stop? but i should be content to wait sirens sound in tivoli, if you're out there, will you wait for me? let me think of nothing but that thy will be done i watch the world with bated breath, i'm scared for everyone i don't know how it keeps on killing me, it seems so far away lend me the strength to let time pass, lend me the strength to pray let me think of nothing but that thy will be done let me think of nothing but that thy will be done
6.
Alison Says 03:46
alison says that i'm wasting my life and i don't disagree she says i'm not really happy, and what's worse than that i don't even try to be and i start to ask her what would it be worth you can wander all over god's green earth but she cuts me off, cause she's done with this shit she says you always do this and i'm sick of it you just do what you like you never do what you should i still love you enough to wish you would alison says i could do better than this if i pretended to give a damn everyone else thinks i'm stupid, or that i just want to die but she knows that's not who i am and i try to tell her not to waste her breath if i can't get brain damage, then i'll settle for death she says how can you even joke that way? you know you hurt your friends with the things you say you just do what you like you never do what you should i still love you enough to wish you would alison says she knows that i don't sleep she can feel me move at night and she's ashamed to admit it, cause she had high hopes but this is never gonna be right and i mumble misery's like a coastal shelf you can't hate me more than i hate myself she says you missed the point just like you always do i know there's stuff you're going through but you live in the past, you talk to ghosts you ignore the people who care the most i thought we had something, but arkady, i don't know what the fuck you want from me you just do what you like you never do what you should i still love you enough to wish you would alison says that i'll never change while people like her still love me and she's sorry but she can't do this anymore she says that she'll think of me
7.
don't be brave, remember the last time getting your ass kicked isn't much of a pastime you don't wanna end up dead in a trash ditch on principle though, you've still gotta kill fascists the river reflects the city, all the shining windows and the moonlight i want it, i'm ready, i'll be glad if it's deadly, cause i'd rather go fighting the good fight guys with iron cross tattoos, throwing beer cans in the water it's summer in rome, and things are getting hotter i catch them unguarded, yeah but once they get started, there are five of them and i don't stand a chance but for a moment i'm burning, the stars are turning, and i find myself part of their ancient dance i want it to mean something, i wanna see blood, i don't care if it's mine cause i might seem to be the one to bleed but really this whole planet's dying it hurts my pride that they leave me alive but let's face it i'm only a threat to myself i know the sickness is inside me now, so why even bother with bodily health? i want it to mean something, cause when hard times come, again and again i try to fight, can't even do that right, there is a weakness in me i cannot defend fistfights with skinheads that always end badly hating the people you used to love madly the sense of futility each new day brings these are a few of my favorite things the anger and sadness that strike without warning the fact that i'll just have to lie here till morning gaining self-knowledge and how much it stings these are a few of my favorite things how getting light-headed feels like having wings these are a few of my favorite things
8.
Ara Pacis 02:49
your first taste of glory, the feelings it stirs the indiscriminate massacres you can change your name, but you can't make it all go away keep on the move, spend whole years sleeping in tents pray someday to be buried at the public expense you're still the same little shit you were on your seventeenth birthday pretend you know what you're doing, keep on pretending think of all the good people who died defending you, and brace yourself against surrender suffer terrible losses, survive anyway but what's gonna happen to you on the day when you finally lose your last and best defender? and i ran into your brother at the altar of peace well you know what he's like, he did as he pleased and he told me just exactly what he thought of me he reminded me of you, he asked a lot of me and i was so tired i could barely talk the sun shone through the glass and glanced off the white rock you try to let go the past and make it on your own but it lasts like a building, like an etching in stone and i ran into your brother and the bells in rome sounded like the choirs of angels and i wanted to go home for so long i fought what i thought were my enemies then the lights came on and they were only memories
9.
Fiumicino 03:18
(ambient instrumental, as at an airport)

about

"urbem quam dicunt romam, meliboee, putavi
stultus ego huic nostrae similem, cui saepe solemus
pastores ovium teneros depellere fetus.
sic canibus catulos similes, sic matribus haedos
noram, sic parvis componere magna solebam.
verum haec tantum alias inter caput extulit urbes
quantum lenta solent inter viburna cupressi."

(i was a fool, old friend. i thought rome was like our village, where we drive down sheep to market. i knew puppies were like dogs, lambs were like their mothers; i was used to comparing big things with small. but this city! it raises its head as high above other cities as the cyprus tree among the lazy shrubs.)
--vergil, ecl. 1.19-25

"I told you the truth," I say yet again. "Memory's truth, because memory has its own special kind. It selects, eliminates, alters, exaggerates, minimizes, glorifies, and vilifies also; but in the end it creates its own reality, its heterogeneous but usually coherent version of events; and no sane human ever trusts someone else's version more than his own."
--salman rushdie, midnight's children

nine songs addressed variously to katya, god, and gaius julius caesar octavianus.

credits

released November 10, 2018

sophie's dream is or has been nathan, julian, rl, and charlie.

nathan: vox, guitars, songwritering
julian: drums, organ, thumb piano, bugle, bells, shaker, vox, engineering
rl: bass, mastering
charlie: guitars, vox

songs written in rome, cincinnati, and new york. recorded in lerner hall in manhattan, on a tascam portastudio tape deck.
some thanks are in order: to seth, for letting us borrow his telecaster; to dominique, for facilitating pretty much all of the spaces we recorded in; to sophie, for letting us sleep at her apartment and transporting charlie's dirty choneys back to us; to gabe, andy, savannah, who played at the live show; to emerson, mary, adam, mev, giulia, malkia, roya, who heard these songs before anybody, and some of whom were kind enough to appear in the photos for this album.

speaking of photos, the ones in italy were taken by nathan and molly. the new york ones, by julian. the one of nathan at the ara pacis, by adam. the band ones, by seth.

thassa rekkahd.

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Sophie's Dream Cincinnati, Ohio

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